What did turkeys ever do to be compared with human beings who behave badly?
Being a city boy, I haven't met many turkeys over the years, but the ones I've encountered are pleasant birds who have a remarkably sunny disposition considering the fact that many of them won't live past Thanksgiving. It's funny to hear the sounds they make and to watch them spread their wings. I can't say the same about those people who are called turkeys. They're not fun to watch or listen to, and generally don't have pleasant dispositions even though they're very likely to be alive after November 26.
So I'm not going to call the politicians who I think behaved badly this year turkeys, because they don't deserve to be in the same company as our fine feathered friends.
Because turkeys would never put politics and their personal self-interest above the greater good, the way almost all Republicans did this year in the healthcare debate.
I know it's hard to tell, but I even think turkeys have the sense of humor sorely lacking in many of our leaders. While President Obama has a wonderful sense of humor and is spontaneously funny, I can't say the same for our Congressional leaders.
John Boehner is humorless, Mitch McConnell has never come close to cracking a smile, and Harry Reid acts like a well meaning undertaker. Nancy Pelosi, on the other hand, is always smiling. Even if she may not always get the joke.
Turkeys aren't hypocrites either. Like those sanctimonious politicians who preach family values and then get arrested in public restrooms, or abandon their state and their responsibilities to run off with a mistress in Argentina. These politicians are given a sacred trust by the people and promptly abuse that trust.
Turkeys seem to have a sense of the limited time they have on earth, and seem content to make the most of their wing flapping, cute noisemaking days.
So this Thanksgiving, let's show a little respect for turkeys, whether they bought the farm or are still on the farm. And the next time you see a human being behaving badly, don't call them a turkey. Turkeys deserve better than that.
Scott Blakeman appears regularly on The Strategy Room at foxnews.com. He is performing "A Liberal Dose of Political Humor" November 25 at 7:30 pm at The Wilmette Theater in Illinois.
Half listening to the Sunday talk show clap trap, I thought I misheard Hillary Clinton when she said she had not yet met Sarah Palin, but wouldn't mind chatting with her over a cup of coffee. I couldn't believe these two pivotal political women weren’t personally acquainted, but then again, Sarah dissed Hil pretty hard for playing the gender card, or as Sarah called it: "whining." I guess it's not whining if you write it instead of say it.
I can't say that Hillary's coffee offer came off as completely disingenuous, but it did smack a bit of diplomacy. With Sarah Palin's literary tour de force, "Going Rogue," settling scores and naming names, maybe Hillary was just trying to keep her name out of the sequel, "Going Rogue: Part Deux."
Sunday also marked a full week since I'd given up coffee, and the mere mention of it made me wistful. I wondered where this coffee klatsch would take place: Alaska, New York, Washington D.C.? What kind of coffee would they have: Dunkin Donuts, Starbucks, Tim Horton's, or the oddly appropriate home brewed cup of Chock Full O’Nuts? How does each woman take her coffee? Straight black, decaf, caf, latte, cappuccino, espresso? Light and sweet, milk, cream, Half & Half? Real sugar, Equal or Splenda? As you can see, it's been a rough seven days.
I am also curious if anyone has bothered looking up the definition of the word rogue. According to Dictionary.com, it's a noun meaning "a dishonest, knavish person. A scoundrel." As a verb it means "to cheat." Its synonyms: "bad egg, charlatan, con artist." But no worries, we aren't big on looking up words. It's so much easier to figure them out from the way they sound. And rogue just sounds like uber-maverick doesn't it?
This reminds of me of when President Obama was asked his opinion about the African-American Harvard Professor who was arrested for breaking into his own home. He said, the Cambridge Police "acted stupidly" and The Beer Summit was born. There probably would have been no controversy if the President had chosen a different adjective: ludicrously, preposterously, obtusely. I imagine if he'd said the police acted "sophomorically," most people would have assumed the cop in question hadn't finished high school.
It's interesting that when men make plans to colloquy, it's over alcohol, hence the infamous Beer Summit. Hillary Clinton, by contrast, said coffee. So this meeting, should it ever happen, will be a cordial but very sober sit down. And please, Ladies, no whining.
There aren't many things we can be certain of these days, but here are a few.
There is a poll out there that will support every conceivable opinion on any issue. Just pick the one you like, and pretend that it actually holds any significance whatsoever. For example, I love the poll that says 100% of the people writing this column agree with everything in it. And why are polls treated as a news story, when in all probability, they aren't even accurate? And even if by some fluke, the poll is on the money, why should anyone care? If people and politicians base their opinions on polls that are wrong most of the time, that could lead to having positions that are wrong for the country. That's not my opinion, I got it from some poll.
Republicans Will Be Against Everything Democrats Want.
I'm not a betting man, but I wish there was money to be made in guessing how Republicans will vote in Congress. In fact, you just have to bet that they'll say "No" to everything Democrats propose and leave it at that. They're even against things they're for, if a Democrat wants it too. If the Democrats proposed a bill called "The Republicans Are Great Act of 2009", Republicans would still oppose it. I heard that to make it easier on themselves, Republicans had the "Yes" button removed from their voting consoles.
Foreign News Is Foreign to American TV News
When the 20th anniversary of the fall of the Berlin Wall was celebrated this week, you would think that would be a huge story here. World News with Charles Gibson ran the story last on its newscast the day of the anniversary. I guess the fall of Communism pales in comparison to a story about a dog who plays baseball. If it was a dog playing soccer they wouldn't cover it. Soccer is too foreign. Coverage like that is why Americans are so ignorant about other countries. The first time we've ever heard of some countries is when the U.S. goes to war with them. Maybe if the media and all of us followed world news a little more, the U.S. would do a better job of foreign policy. Instead of just being the most informed country about dogs playing baseball.
Not all dogs of course. Just 18%. Or 35%. Or none. Depending on which poll you read.
The day after the election, my Dad was mad. He said, "You know who lost the election for Mayor? Obama!" he said not waiting for an answer. I was worried that senility had come for my Dad in the night. Barack Obama wasn't running for Mayor of New York City. That pseudo contest was between incumbent Michael Bloomberg and challenger Bill Thompson.
It turns out, my Dad was convinced that if the President had spent as much time stumping for Thompson as he did for "everybody else" Thompson would've won. It's easy to believe that especially given how close the race was. Apparently $100 million doesn't buy as much of a margin as you'd think. But Obama campaigned for the governors of New Jersey and Virginia, and they both lost. Extrapolating that out, it’s conceivable that if Obama had endorsed Thompson more vigorously, he could have lost by an even wider margin.
Republicans are cooing that this is a big win for them. And quite frankly they needed it. The Grand Old Party just hasn't been itself since the last presidential election. They are going through an identity crisis of pubescent proportions. Like a desperate 30 something -- the cockiness of their 20s a distant memory -- signing up on E-Harmony, they've been looking for something real to hold onto. But is this the big chink in The Obama Mystique they've been so desperately looking for? It could be.
It's a gross miscalculation to think that everyone in the Democratic party can wrap themselves in the cloak of change and ride the wave to elected office. The losses in Virginia and New Jersey prove that charisma isn't always a tradeable asset. It's like that really cute guy who ambles over, chats you up, and then asks you to go out with his not so cute friend whom you didn't notice over at the bar drooling in your general direction. It's the Trojan Horse, Cyrano de Bergerac, bait and switch. And the voters responded in TLC fashion, "No, I don't want no scrubs!" (The grammar checker on my computer insists that this sentence should read, “any” scrubs, but I’ll risk the grammatical error to preserve the intent of the artist.)
I love Barack, but don't misconstrue that for total agreement. I'm still way burnt that the First Dog isn't a mutt and I'm getting tired of hitting the snooze button on health care. That said, I dig Obama, not the Democratic party. There's a reason why I'm still a registered Independent. It helps me keep a healthy level of skepticism of both parties, and not drink too deeply of the ever-changing flavors of called they're pedaling to whomever might be listening at the moment.
In the New York City Mayoral election I was neither delighted by nor interested in either of the candidates. Bloomberg's third term power grab with the help of the City Council was nothing short of disgusting. His money scared off all possible challengers except Thompson. I wondered more than once if Thompson was brave or just plain crazy. Perhaps it was all one big show for the Public’s benefit. The election results already predetermine, the slim margin of victory thrown in for dramatic effect. But that's a little too conspiracy-theory even for me.
The pervasive feeling among the people I talked to about Thompson was, "Is he the best the Democratic Party has to offer? Really? Seriously?" I'm sure he's a nice, hard-working man. Even Mayor Bloomberg had occasion to comment that he was excellent in his job as Comptroller, but you can't fake chemistry.
Maybe Barack didn't campaign harder for Thompson because, deep down he knew it wouldn't do any good. With 2010 looming, big political promises still to keep, and the Republicans feeling good after their election day make over, maybe President Obama needs to keep a little charisma in reserve for himself.
I am an election junkie. Doesn’t matter the election, national, mid-term, primary, general, I love them all. Of course if the truth be told, my favorite elections are the off year elections -- the odd numbered years that usually carry a hand full of ballot initiatives, lots of local races, and a few statehouses. Why might you ask?
Simple, I love wackos. And the mother-load of all wackos usually happens on the local levels. Why you ask? Without the glare of a national spotlight these politicians are free to let their freak flags fly. Don’t believe me? Two Words, Marion Barry.
Let’s not forget some of the characters who narrowly missed the cut, Like Louisiana’s Edwin Edwards who once told a group of reporters that “The only way I can lose this election is if I’m caught in bed with either a dead girl or a live boy.” He won. A few years later after some surprising scandals, the Shreveport Journal wrote that the only way he could be elected again was if he ran against Adolph Hitler. His opponent was David Duke. Not quite Hitler, he was only a leader in the KKK.
You just don’t get that candor or drama on the national stage.
I’m also fond of Kentucky’s former Gov, Paul Patton. He had an extra-marital affair with a nursing home operator, and after she stopped the affair state regulators filed numerous citations and violations bankrupting the nursing home. Say what you want about Bill Clinton, he didn’t go after Monica via the IRS.
Jerry Springer, yes that Jerry Springer, was the Mayor of Cincinnati and a candidate for Governor until he decided to pay for a hooker with a personal check. Note to all future politicians, don’t leave a paper trail.
Now we’ve had some winners lately. Governor Mark Sanford’s inability to tell the difference between the Appalachian Trail and Buenos Aries was fun. Rod Blagojevich showed moxie for not pulling his hair out after being exposed in a bid to sell a Senate seat. And not just any Senate seat, the seat of the guy who just won the Presidential Election. Did he think that wouldn’t come under any scrutiny? If he doesn’t go to prison for corruption, he should for appointing Roland Burris.
The sex scandals are always the juiciest. Often it involves people who work under the politician in question, just so we can get a double dose of adultery and abuse of power in the workplace. Oh joy! Children listen up, study hard in school, pick a live in public service and perhaps one day you can sexually harass someone yourself. Ah, the American Dream.
Sometimes, like in the New Jersey Governor scandal surrounding Jim McGreevey, it is a same-sex scandal. Coming out is hard enough, doing it at a press conference where you’re admitting to a corruption and sex scandal has to increase the degree of difficulty. At least it prevents the corruption and resignation from being the headline. Let’s face it, “Corrupt Governor Resigns” isn’t nearly as good a headline as “HOLY CRAP HE’S GAY!”
That would move some papers.
Overwhelmingly, the dust ups usually involves prostitutes. Stands to reason, can’t exactly put the wedding ring in the pocket and cruise the hotel bar with a throng of reporters attached to you. The prostitute thing was what brought down my Governor, Eliot Spitzer. I don’t even use his name any more, I just say, Client Number 9. How sad, he ran one of the biggest states in the union and he couldn’t even get Client Number 1. I think Charlie Sheen has that honor.
What I remember most about the whole Spitzer fiasco isn’t the collapse of a rising political figure, or Ashley Dupre’s 15 minutes of fame. What I remember most is what David Patterson did when he took over as governor. He admitted everything he ever did. He admitted affairs, cocaine and marijuana use, overdue library books, coveting his neighbor’s goods, lusting after women in his heart. Anything that could have potentially become a scandal he admitted to about 3 seconds after he took the oath of office.
Genius! That’s how you defuse a scandal. Let’s just hope more politicians don’t get wind of that tactic otherwise we might have to stop trying to dig up their dirt and vote for them on their merits.
Heaven forbid.
**Jim Mendrinos is a New York City based comedian, author and pundit. He is a frequent guest on FoxNews.com’s Strategy Room and the host of “To Review” right here on Team Washington. Visit him at http://www.republicancomic.com/, www.twitter.com/jimmendrinos, or write him at GOPlaughs@gmail.com for his schedule and show information. Jim headlines Gotham Comedy Club in New York City October 30 & 31. Call 212-367-9000 for reservations.
A major priority of President Obama has been to engage in diplomacy with adversaries like Iran and North Korea, and to pursue a vigorous diplomatic strategy between the Israelis and Palestinians. The militaristic tone of the Bush administration has been replaced (and Nobel Peace Prize rewarded)by one of engagement.
Which makes it all the more puzzling why the White House seems unwilling to talk to Fox News, and has accused it of not being a real news organization. The first salvo was fired by the White House Director of Communications, who apparently isn't very good at living up to her title. The Obama administration has reached out repeatedly to Republicans and conservative Democrats to achieve a consensus on healthcare reform and other issues. So why not talk to Fox News?
As a regular guest on The Strategy Room at foxnews.com, I have had the pleasure and privilege of engaging in spirited but respectful discourse with pundits from the left, right and center. Each show is hosted by a skilled reporter from Fox News, who I may sometimes vehemently disagree with, but always respect their journalistic integrity. To insinuate that these hard working journalists are not part of a real news organization is offensive and completely offbase. As a liberal political comedian, I can find comedic fodder with some of the opinion/entertainment hosts at the channel, but they are clearly not part of the news gathering and reporting operation at Fox News.
Even if one accepts The White House assertion that Fox News coverage is unfair to the President, what better way to counter that than to have Obama and other White House officials appear on Fox News to get their message across in their own words? If the Obama administration can talk to Iran and North Korea, they can surely sit down with Chris Wallace or Bill O'Reilly, as Obama did during the campaign.
And when President Obama appeared on Fox News during the campaign, he probably gained some votes from the many independents who view the channel. Which flies in the face of the comments by Robert Gibbs and others that there is no point in trying to reach out to Fox viewers. As a comedian, I know the importance of knowing your audience. You would think that the politically savvy White House would take the time to know the Fox News audience, and not completely write them off.
President Obama and his entire White House team should stop beating on Fox News, and start being on Fox News.
Barack Obama was president a mere 12 days before the Nobel Peace Prize nominations closed and he still won. I know, I know. “He showed early promise.” Talk about handing in an A paper at the beginning of the semester. Less than two weeks in office and he earns himself a Peace Prize. This guy is good. Of course, you got to remember, the potential recipient list for a Peace Prize is not what you call your deep field. Never has been. Hence: Kissinger, de Klerk and Arafat.
What worries me is, what kind of message are we sending kids? Bomb the Moon. Win a Peace Prize. You know what’s next. People are going to want to bomb Mars. Just to see what happens. Trigger an announcement from the Vatican? Causing a nuke to be tossed at Uranus. Detonative planetary creep.
You could say, this is a “most likely to succeed” sort of deal. Not so much a pro- Obama message as much as it is “thanks for rescuing the planet by changing administrations” message. An award that could have pretty much gone to any American not named George W. Bush. Then again, the tactical use of beer to arrange a diplomatic summit may have been a crowning achievement in the minds of the five Norwegians.
Or perhaps the intellectual community is so excited to be out of the doghouse and rejoining the conversation that they are banding together to encourage Obama. Expect the MacArthur Genius Grant people to come calling. Then he’ll win a Lefoulon-Delalande Foundation Grand Prize from France for reducing global stress and increasing cardiovascular efficacy. And finally, next spring, Neil Patrick Harris presents him with a Special Tony Award for the sensational fashion in which he tap- danced his way into our hearts.
As expected, the lunatic fringe finds all this further fodder to continue its harangue. Which I don’t understand. How can you criticize a Peace Prize? I don’t care if the Keebler Elves are excreting them like tear shaped lemon bars from a hollowed out tree stump. It’s a Peace Prize. Its not like he’s getting a bronzed bazooka from Warmongers Weekly.
“You know Hitler was nominated.” Yeah, once. By one guy. And Pat Paulsen was almost President. The same crowd who cheered losing in Copenhagen is now grumbling about winning in Oslo. Totally unfamiliar with the grand Scandinavian tradition of make- up calls. The toughest part has to be keeping a straight face when expressing concern over the Nobel Committee’s credibility.
Certain talk show hosts have worked themselves into such a tizzy I wouldn’t be surprised to see one of them pull a Kanye West, and crash the stage during the award presentation, yelling Dick Cheney was more deserving. Should the Prez actually attend the ceremonies, that is. On the off chance he doesn’t find himself too busy to personally accept the Peace Prize due to the time consuming nature of commandeering two wars.
Now might be a good time to abandon the high road and shove it in people’s faces by wearing the medal around his neck everywhere he goes. Like Flavor Flav. “What? This old thing?” And when he does donate to charity the 1.4 million dollars that accompanies the prize, I’m thinking ACORN. Stop your belly- aching. So Obama got an award. Bush got a shoe.
Will Durst is a San Francisco based political comic who writes sometimes. This is one of them.
Catch his new one man show “The Lieutenant Governor from the State of Confusion,” appearing at a performing arts center near you or at the Cinema Drafthouse on October 23 & 24 in Arlington, VA.
OSLO’S CALLING
Barack Obama was President a mere 12 days before the Nobel Peace Prize nominations closed and he still won. I know, I know. “He showed early promise.” Talk about handing in an A paper at the beginning of the semester. Less than two weeks in office and he earns himself a Peace Prize. This guy is good. Of course, you got to remember, the potential recipient list for a Peace Prize is not what you call your deep field. Never has been. Hence: Kissinger, de Klerk and Arafat.
What worries me is, what kind of message are we sending kids? Bomb the Moon. Win a Peace Prize. You know what’s next. People are going to want to bomb Mars. Just to see what happens. Trigger an announcement from the Vatican? Causing a nuke to be tossed at Uranus. Detonative planetary creep.
You could say, this is a “most likely to succeed” sort of deal. Not so much a pro- Obama message as much as it is “thanks for rescuing the planet by changing administrations” message. An award that could have pretty much gone to any American not named George W. Bush. Then again, the tactical use of beer to arrange a diplomatic summit may have been a crowning achievement in the minds of the five Norwegians.
Or perhaps the intellectual community is so excited to be out of the doghouse and rejoining the conversation that they are banding together to encourage Obama. Expect the MacArthur Genius Grant people to come calling. Then he’ll win a Lefoulon-Delalande Foundation Grand Prize from France for reducing global stress and increasing cardiovascular efficacy. And finally, next spring, Neil Patrick Harris presents him with a Special Tony Award for the sensational fashion in which he tap- danced his way into our hearts.
As expected, the lunatic fringe finds all this further fodder to continue its harangue. Which I don’t understand. How can you criticize a Peace Prize? I don’t care if the Keebler Elves are excreting them like tear shaped lemon bars from a hollowed out tree stump. It’s a Peace Prize. Its not like he’s getting a bronzed bazooka from Warmongers Weekly.
“You know Hitler was nominated.” Yeah, once. By one guy. And Pat Paulsen was almost President. The same crowd who cheered losing in Copenhagen is now grumbling about winning in Oslo. Totally unfamiliar with the grand Scandinavian tradition of make- up calls. The toughest part has to be keeping a straight face when expressing concern over the Nobel Committee’s credibility.
Certain talk show hosts have worked themselves into such a tizzy I wouldn’t be surprised to see one of them pull a Kanye West, and crash the stage during the award presentation, yelling Dick Cheney was more deserving. Should the Prez actually attend the ceremonies, that is. On the off chance he doesn’t find himself too busy to personally accept the Peace Prize due to the time consuming nature of commandeering two wars.
Now might be a good time to abandon the high road and shove it in people’s faces by wearing the medal around his neck everywhere he goes. Like Flavor Flav. “What? This old thing?” And when he does donate to charity the 1.4 million dollars that accompanies the prize, I’m thinking ACORN. Stop your belly- aching. So Obama got an award. Bush got a shoe.
Will Durst is a San Francisco based political comic who writes sometimes. This is one of them.
Catch his new one man show “The Lieutenant Governor from the State of Confusion,” appearing at a performing arts center near you.
Or at the Cinema Drafthouse October 23 & 24. 2903 Columbia Pike
Arlington, VA 22204/ 703.486.2345/ www.arlingtondrafthouse.com
will durst
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I think it's outrageous that there's more outrage about the public option in health care reform, than there is about the military option in dealing with Iran's nuclear ambitions.
Especially because the public option is a smart, practical idea that will make it cheaper for us to buy health insurance. And the military option to bomb Iran is stupid, impractical and would ultimately be bad for everyone's health in the U.S., Israel and around the world. The public option would save lives, the military option would cause many deaths.
And although most polls show more than 60% of Americans support the public option, those who oppose it are convinced it would lead to death panels, forced euthanasia, and the bankruptcy of the entire health insurance industry. The first two fears are based on completely wrong information. The third is based on the belief that protecting the billions in profits of insurance companies is more important than providing affordable, quality health care for all Americans. A public option will ideally force insurance companies to lower their premiums, and might also lead to CEO's taking a pay cut to only about $10 million a year. I know it's tough to get by on such a paltry annual salary, but maybe they can make do by selling one of their five houses.
But I'm even more outraged by a poll that said 56% of American Jews support military action against Iran. As a Jewish American, I'm embarrassed that my own people would believe in such a catastrophic and ridiculous notion. What's wrong with the U.S. or Israel bombing Iran? How about everything? All of Iran's nuclear facilities are either hidden underground or near civilian population centers. So it would be highly unlikely to actually knock out their facilities, while it would be highly likely many innocent Iranians would be killed. And Secretary of Defense Robert Gates, who, unlike me, is an expert in these matters, believes an attack on Iran would maybe set back their program one to three years at best. But it would certainly invite retaliation against Israel, the US and Western interests around the world through terrorist attacks. And it would shut down any diplomatic relations with Iran and completely put Middle East peace prospects on an indefinite hold.
Is it too much to ask for Americans to be smart for a change when it comes to the Middle East? You would think that the utter failure of the unjust and unnecessary war in Iraq would have taught us just a little about dealing with a country that may or may not have WMD's.
Yes, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has made stupid, offensive comments about the Holocaust. And he has spoken out against the Israeli occupation of the Palestinian people. But he knows that if Iran attacked Israel, there would be swift and massive retaliation. And since all he really cares about is staying in power, (as the recent fake election attests to), that is not something he would want to happen.
So let's drop all the Nazi analogies from the Iran debate, as well as from the health care debate too. Let's try, for a moment, to look at both options in a clear, non-emotional way.
Which sounds like a smart option to you? Lowering our health care costs with a public option, or raising the threat level with the military option against Iran?
The choice is yours.
Scott Blakeman appears regularly on The Strategy Room at foxnews.com.
So I’ve been thinking a lot lately about politics and how this whole government thing works. Here’s what I’ve come up with, Beauty contests have more integrity, and kindergarten elections are better organized than the average political election.
Think about it. The kiddies all line up, vote one at a time, and the winner is announced that day. How long did it take to seat Franken? If you want to be homeroom president, you have to be a member of that homeroom. Billy can’t transfer from 201 to 105 just because it looks like an easier election.
And the rules were set. If the homeroom president transferred schools there was no rush to change the rules so that the teacher could appoint another representative. Not every class needed to be represented; they could wait for the special election.
Beauty Pageants are run more like our elections. We have a representative who votes for us—kind of like the Electoral College. In this case we trust our fate to David Hasselhoff. Sure the women are surgically enhanced. The answers are rehearsed, and that dress stays in place because of duct tape and prayer, but how is that different from our own electoral process?
We elect the best shiny object. We are marveled by the suit and smile, so we don’t even care that there’s no substance. At least in the kindergarten election they had a platform – more naps and tastier paste. What did we get promised? Hope and Change?
Even the 5 year old knows you gotta give ‘em more than that.
It is our fault really. We get 6 years to realize that out Senator is a jerk, but at least he’s our jerk so we give him another 6 years. There are plenty of congressmen who won this election only because we remembered they won the last election. Are we too lazy to vote them out of office?
Look, at least with the beauty contest we get a little show. If it’s all going to be about who looks the best in the suit can I get a fashion show while Ryan Seacrest tells us about the contestants. “Charlie Rangel enjoys long walks to the ethics investigation committee and voting along the Democratic Party line…”
And just like a beauty contest winner we look at a picture in the paper – say about 8 & ½ months later – and think “wow, this is the winner? They looked so much better on election day.”
So if you want to vote wisely, do like the tikes are doing, vote for the naps and paste, at the end of the day at least we know those things are real.
**Jim Mendrinos is a New York City based comedian, author and pundit. He is a frequent guest on FoxNews.com’s Strategy Room. Visit him at http://www.republicancomic.com/, www.twitter.com/jimmendrinos, or write him at GOPlaughs@gmail.com for his schedule and show information. You can also see Jim as part of the NYC Underground Comedy Festival, October 2 – 11, and 16 & 17 in NYC. Write Jim for tickets and details.
Everybody needs their beauty sleep, even vilified world leaders. It was obvious to me as I saw Libyan President Muammar al-Gaddafi speak in front of the United Nations – puffy eyes, rambling speech – that he needed a nap.
Muammar may not be sleeping well here in the United States since it’s so difficult for him to obtain lodging. There is no room at the inn or even a place to pitch his tent. Hostilities aside, you’ve got to admire a world leader that has his own tent. Now he probably doesn’t carry it himself, but it’s still very impressive.
As a former Girl Scout, I have all my badges except camping. I’ve never known the “joys” of sleeping outdoors, under the stars at the mercy of creepy, crawling creatures of the night. I didn’t even survive the church parking lot simulation. I abandoned my buddy burner and said to my scout leader, “Look, I’ll sell the cookies, but sleep in the woods? I don’t think so.”
Granted a world leader’s tent might have few more amenities and a few less bugs than an old Girl Scout tent, but Gaddafi is no great outdoors man. The scoop is, he prefers to sleep in a tent because he’s afraid of elevators. I’ve stayed in many hotels over the years and I don’t recall Motel 6 or Super 8 even having an elevator. But at least the latter will even leave the light on for you in case you’re afraid of the dark.
This lack of welcome and safe place to catch some shut eye might explain the long, angry diatribe Muammar gave to the United Nations. Slotted for 15 minutes, he clocked in at 95. In stand-up comedy we call that “going over the light.” Where’s the Sandman when you need him?
I might be a little angry too if nobody knew how to spell my name. According to Wikipedia, there are more than 30 different spellings for Muammar al-Gaddafi. I chose to go with the modern version, as opposed to the classic network spelling that used a “Q” instead of a “G.”
Perhaps Muammar was tired, cranky and over compensating. President Barack Obama is not an easy act to follow. He’s a dynamic, inspiring and a charismatic speaker, very likeable. Muammar? Not so much. He started by complimenting Obama, wishing that he could be president “forever” and then – speaking from notes like it was a junior high speech class – he proceeded to be Bitter Betty about everything. It reminded me of the title of a popular off Broadway play, “I Love You, You’re Perfect, Now Change.” Well, at least he started off with something positive.
Much like a bad Open Mic Night, Gaddafi “walked” most of the audience. As he droned on, they strode out. Not many people have the fortitude for a 95-minute monologue. But they should have. They should have stayed, listened, took notes and planned accordingly. Sometimes people give you the gift of saying what they mean and meaning what they say. That 95-minute speech could have been a warning that the rest of us shouldn’t be sleeping well either. Sweet dreams, Earthlings.
FOX News Channel's "Team Washington" is about all things politics. Check back daily for web exclusives from Special Report's Bret Baier, quotes of the day, viewer votes and more.
